The Long and Winding Road

P.S.

2011-05-22T11:13:00.003-04:00

Forgot to share before that I've started a new blog about my new animal-friendly life, called Suburban Snow White. If you never quite "got" what veganism is and would like to learn the mindset from a previously big dairy/egg eater and average meat-eater, take a look! The title of the blog is explained in the About Me section.

Enjoy!

~Katrina

Katrina's Last Post

2011-05-20T14:28:00.005-04:00

I haven't written since last summer, and it's now the end of May. It's been quite an interesting block of time for us!

In short, the adoption process for Ethiopia changed so rapidly from the program we had signed up for, that it no longer made sense for us and we decided to withdraw our names from the adoption list this week, and go forward without children. It's a decision we're comfortable with, but it was not easy. Luckily, we're big old communicators, so we were always well-informed on the other's thoughts, and luckily, they always meshed. (Not always the case in situations like these.)

First off, the changes in our adoption process had little to do with our agency, which has been very transparent and ethical. These qualities are what attracted us to their program in the first place. Rather, it was the result of the sudden spike in interest in Ethiopian adoption. With the increased number of adoptions, an ethical problem occurred which is not singular to Ethiopia. From what we were able to gather, there were a couple (of the many) agencies who were engaging in unethical behavior; specifically, as I understood it, child trafficking. (There was a lot of reading between the lines on this, so know that I have no proof.) The Ethiopian government, understandably, was taking measures to prevent this from happening. In quick summary, they increased the in-country from one to two; we'd have to redo all of our dossier paperwork (expensive and significant); fees went up; and, finally, the wait times were significantly increased so that applications could be more carefully scrutinized. It's not the agency's fault or the country of Ethiopia's fault, but rather the fault of the small minority of people you'll find in every country, who exploit children for financial gain.

When we began our quest to have children and I got pregnant right away at 36, we knew we were older, but it was what it was. Having just hit the 40 mark, I realized that with even longer wait times for the adoption, I might potentially be raising children well into my 60s, which made me blanch. Additionally, the desire to have children and raise them was starting to dissipate. I can't explain it really. Maybe it was the mind's way of protecting itself after so much pain and waiting? If so, it's a relief not to hurt anymore and I welcome it.

Along the road, we got some criticism for not handling things better. I still say I disagree. I think, handed what we got handed, we did mighty well and came out of it whole and happy. I think the best thing that came out of all this was realizing that someone's actions may not make sense to you if you've never gone through what they have and to keep your heart open to them.

Anyhow, as much as we still love children, we're pretty psyched about the possibilities before us. Ryan, my rock-star husband, has an amazing band called Field Trip, and they're going to Sweden in October to play at some clubs and lead some workshops for university students. (Did I get that all right, Ry?) I'm exploring my artwork again and am beginning to volunteer my time and talents to a local animal sanctuary that rescues abused/slaughter-bound animals. (It's an extraordinary place!) Also, related to the last sentence, I've moved to a plant-based diet and have never felt better! We're starting to explore places we could go to on vacation in the next year. So things are good and we're excited! There are still small moments when I remember what we lost and how over-the-moon we were to be expecting a child, both biologically and adoptively. But I think that will always be there, tucked away in my heart.

I wish all you adoptive and preadoptive parents out there great happiness ... And thanks to everyone for reading this blog and for supporting us.

Take care,
Katrina

6 months

2010-11-07T18:09:00.002-05:00

So we've been quiet, but there really hasn't been much to report. :) Just waiting. We recently passed our 6 month mark. The average wait has gone up from 18 months to 20, so we're probably looking at getting a match in December 2011 and hopefully getting our child/ren by summer 2012.

It's hard to be patient, as the more time goes by, the older I realize we're going to be when we're new parents. I know you're not supposed to factor that in, but here I am doing it anyway.

But I must say, we're keeping very busy. Ry's getting ready to record his CD, and I'm going through another fun cooking phase (cooking lots or squash, root vegetables, apple stuff, etc.) and have recently become very addicted to the Sookie Stackhouse mystery series. It's perfect school-year reading and I always catch up on my reading as I eat breakfast and before I go to sleep. I've been having fun with my piano recently and played around with some Chopin today. Who, by the way, totally rocked. In his own way. I've been lazy about my artwork since I got back from my August watercoloring class. (This is probably the worst paragraph written in the history of writing. It just ain't cohesive!)

Right now, I'm feeling a bit exhausted after coming back from a weekend wedding and getting ready for the week ahead at school, which I'm not looking forward to for some reason this week. I miss summer relaxation so much! I miss hanging out in the garden! I miss not walking out the front door without a coat or shoes! Plus I feel a rare cold coming on, so that's making me feel a bit whiny.

Must stop, lest the whinyness get out of control. Toodles!
~Katrina

Lifting up the paddle

2010-07-22T09:39:00.002-04:00

Last weekend I scooted up to Maine to join Dad and Mary for a couple days of their camping trip at Scott's Cove. Their site overlooked a lovely small lake.

I arrived on Friday night and enjoyed a great dinner and campfire with them and our family friends Roy and Claire. The next morning, the sunrise awoke me and the lake was completely still and grinning (lakes grin) like we shared a secret. There wasn't a human sound in the campground. Only birdsong, including the calls of the loon echoing from the part of the lake that wasn't visible due to a stretch of land blocking it. I untied the canoe and went out along the fringes of the lake, exploring the pseudo-mucky shallow edges until I reached about halfway across the lake, eyes peeled for turtles. I never saw a turtle, but many dragonflies settled on the sides of the canoe to hitchhike and rest a bit. Can you get any cooler than a dragonfly? A barely perceptible breeze had begun to ripple the water and I decided to lift the paddle out of the water and see what the boat decided to do. Sure enough, it had its own slow but perfect agenda. It turned toward the center of the lake and and just drifted and I closed my eyes to that perfect-summer-morning sun, feeling like a stretching Buddha-cat. Complete smiling contentment. THAT is what vacation is all about.

~Katrina

Fast forward

2010-07-12T13:55:00.002-04:00

Boy! We've been quiet, eh?

Once we got on the waiting list, we turned our attention back on our the rest of our lives, which were admittedly very neglected! I rode the wave that is called the End of the School Year, and came out tired but satisfied with the progress my kids made. (The single non-reader in my room FINALLY, last week of school, discovered a series he loved and could not put down. THAT is success, my friends. This was the first year that every one of my kids got, at least one point in the year, addicted to at least one book. Woo-hoo!) Ryan's music has taken off and he is a gig-machine. He's been writing and performing his own stuff with a group called Field Trip, in addition to performing with his groups The Two-Timers and Innervisions. (Did I miss any, Ry?) I'm so flippin' proud of him. He's really cute when he plays too. As my brother Josh once noted upon seeing Ryan play in Salem, "Ryan's never gonna make it as a rock star. He's too happy!" Seriously, you should go hear him play sometime, if only to see him bounce around with that fun grin.

On the adoption front, the estimated wait time for getting our child/ren has increased from 12-18 months to 16-22 months. We need to take two trips now. And, partially as a result of the additional trip, our program fees increased rather substantially. Oy! Our quest for children is now three years in the making, and it admittedly gets very tiresome to get more roadblocks put in our way. Personally, I find that my heart is shutting down a bit and little on the family-building journey affects me now. I don't know if this is a self-protective thing or a good/bad thing ... I barely understand it myself. But I feel kind of numb to it all, which, odd as it sounds, is kind of a welcome change. That's probably not an inspiring thing to hear on a adoption blog, but this path always has unexpected surprises.

All that said, we're having a great summer and grow happier and more fulfilled with each passing month. We were reflecting the other day on our upcoming third anniversary and how hard we were hit after returning from our incredible wedding and honeymoon. The horrible losses and sicknesses of family members and friends, the immediate loss of our first child and the ensuing medical complications, procedures, and surgeries I had as a result of that first loss. All those vows we took were immediately tested and we both agreed that we came out pretty damned good. Not everyone could have survived that and had their relationship grow even stronger. The relative ease of this summer -- knock on wood -- has been an incredible boost. Drinking a cold gin and tonic while weeding the garden with my cat Kaci -- heaven! I'm officially patting ourselves on the back. (Me and Ryan, not me and Kaci...though she's done her part making us smile each day with her cute little vocalizations, so I guess I'll pat her back too. And of course Sergio's back, as he LOVES anyone patting his back.)

Here's to the simple pleasures of summer! May your heart skip a beat when you hear the ice cream truck come 'round...

~Katrina

A beautiful post...

2010-05-13T19:01:00.004-04:00

Wow. Sometimes when someone can put something into words that you have tried in vain to communicate to others, it feels like an enormous release. I want to hug both women who wrote these articles. It's incredibly comforting to know there are some very loving people who understand. Makes one breathe a little freer.

A Non-Mother's Day
http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/05/07/a-non-mothers-day/

Why Not Just Adopt?
http://www.creatingafamily.org/blog/infertility-fertility-trying-to-conceive-ivf-donor-egg/adopt/

I'm having some trouble with creating the links today, but an old-fashioned cut-and-paste will do.

Officially waiting!

2010-04-30T17:32:00.003-04:00

The envelope from immigration arrived today!! We are now officially on the wait list!

No words! Happily dizzy from relief.

~Katrina

I-600 not processed yet

2010-04-23T10:59:00.001-04:00

USCIS just responded to my email to say our I-600 has not been processed but is "in queue" with all the other applications. Bummer.

Ethiopia on American Idol

2010-04-22T16:28:00.002-04:00

Thanks to Kelly for alerting me to this! Take a look...This is in Addis Ababa, the capital city in Ethiopia where our future child/ren's orphanage is.

The Dr. Seuss Waiting Place

2010-04-22T13:47:00.003-04:00

To celebrate birthdays in my classroom, I have kids pick out a book (or the beginning "hook" chapter of a book) that I will share with the class during a read-aloud. It's a fun way for kids to become familiar with new books and share their treasured favorites.

One kid recently brought it Dr. Seuss's "Oh the Places You'll Go!" I remembered that this book came out around the end of my high school career and I thought it was cute and graduation-y. Hearing it many many years and experiences later, though, it just delighted me with its universal truths, and yet I had to fight tears the whole time I read it to the kids. (Not an easy feat. I've fought tears reading aloud Lois Lowry's "Number the Stars" and, more recently, the last chapter of "Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing," where the main character's turtle dies. Ryan had an interesting experience reading "The Velveteen Rabbit" last year to our nieces. I whispered to him, "Are you sure you want to read that aloud? It's a tear-jerker." He went forward bravely and, well, I'll let him share the rest with you someday...I dare anyone to read THAT story aloud.)

Anyhow, I found the words to "Oh the Places You'll Go!" online and pasted them below. The waiting part really got to me. As pre-adoptive parents our lives are moving forward on every level and we love the life we continue to build together. This week off for me has been a flurry of fun things I've wanted to catch up on: I planted asparagus yesterday, planted some things in Dad and Mary's garden in Duxbury, got the first part of our electricity audit done(from the electric company..did you know that it is FREE?), worked on fixing our eroding hill, made the BEST pistachio and cherry ice cream this world has ever seen, caught up on some great books, saw some family, caught up on some calls, met my adorable new nephew (he's not doing tricks or telling jokes yet, though. Strange.), I'm getting ready to hold a yard sale, etc. Things continue to flow, develop, and delight us. Ryan is making terrific progress in his music, and I'm just LOVING my art class. The flowers and trees are blooming, and I find myself walking the neighborhood with this goofy grin on my face. I feel like frickin' Snow White. :)

But one part of you -- the parent part -- always feels on hold, like walking down the hallway of an airport, and people have hopped on the speedwalk (I had to look that word up!) and are moving so fast and effortlessly that you get the feeling you're standing still at times. It doesn't mean you're not moving towards a destination/gate or enjoying the walk. But it just feels like you're eternally on hold and you secretly wonder if you'll ever really get to where those other people seem to be going. Looking at it logically on paper, your brain snips, "Well of course we're going to get there." It's just at times interesting convincing your heart that it really will happen. (If as a child you waited for the sky to lighten on Christmas morning so you could waken your parents, you might have an inkling of what this process feels like.)

That's not to say that these thoughts and wonderings are all-consuming. They just are what they are and happen now and again.

Anywho, here are the words to the story. Enjoy! (And I dare you to read this aloud to someone and not get choked up.) ~Katrina

Oh, the Places You'll Go!

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go.

You'll look up and down streets. Look 'em over with care.
About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there."
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street.

And you may not find any
you'll want to go down.
In that case, of course,
you'll head straight out of town.

It's opener there
in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen
and frequently do
to people as brainy
and footsy as you.

And when things start to happen,
don't worry. Don't stew.
Just go right along.
You'll start happening too.

OH!
THE PLACES YOU'LL GO!

You'll be on your way up!
You'll be seeing great sights!
You'll join the high fliers
who soar to high heights.

You won't lag behind, because you'll have the speed.
You'll pass the whole gang and you'll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you'll be the best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don' t
Because, sometimes, you won't.

I'm sorry to say so
but, sadly, it's true
and Hang-ups
can happen to you.

You can get all hung up
in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on.
You'll be left in a Lurch.

You'll come down from the Lurch
with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then,
that you'll be in a Slump.

And when you're in a Slump,
you're not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself
is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they're darked.
A place you could sprain both you elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And IF you go in, should you turn left or right...
or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?
Or go around back and sneak in from behind?
Simple it's not, I'm afraid you will find,
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused
that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place...

...for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or a No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a sting of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.

NO!
That's not for you!

Somehow you'll escape
all that waiting and staying.
You'll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing.

With banner flip-flapping,
once more you'll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky.
Ready because you're that kind of a guy!

Oh, the places you'll go! There is fun to be done!
There are points to be scored. there are games to be won.
And the magical things you can do with that ball
will make you the winning-est winner of all.
Fame! You'll be famous as famous can be,
with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don't.
Because, sometimes, they won't.

I'm afraid that some times
you'll play lonely games too.
Games you can't win
'cause you'll play against you.

All Alone!
Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something
you'll be quite a lot.

And when you're alone, there's a very good chance
you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.

But on you will go
though the weather be foul
On you will go
though your enemies prowl
On you will go
though the Hakken-Kraks howl
Onward up many
a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore
and your sneakers may leak.

On and on you will hike
and I know you'll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are.

You'll get mixed up, of course,
as you already know.
You'll get mixed up
with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life's
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3 / 4 percent guaranteed.)

KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!

So...
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
you're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So...get on your way!

Please Mr. Postman

2010-04-20T22:17:00.002-04:00

So my question this week is "What is the deal with our postman?" Everyday I run to the mailbox to see if we've received our clearance from the FBI and .... NOTHING. It's easy to fool oneself into believing that my mind is occupied by other things. But as soon as that truck whirs around the corner and I hear that "thinkity-thunk" of the mail being quickly placed in the mailbox outside our door, my heart races. Are we on the waiting list TODAY? Is this it? And every flippin' time it's a collection of things that are nowhere near as interesting as our "adoption conception". (It's sexy in its own way, folks.) The unusually long gestational period is waiting to begin with the arrival of this one form.

Seriously, I think the postman is messing with us. Now that I think of it, I think I saw him on America's Most Wanted.

~K

Dossier Accepted!

2010-04-12T17:48:00.002-04:00

Yay! One more step to being officially on the wait list! We just heard from our contact at WHFC and our dossier has been accepted into the program! (Phew...one never knows with documents! I've seen consulates in action through my work with Argentina and I remember the small things that could get a document rejected. Must say I'm greatly relieved!)

Now we just wait for the USCIS 1-600A approval, which Amy mentioned in the previous post could be relatively soon!

Got a bottle of champagne -- kindly given my our sweet friend Colleen on New Years Eve (I wonder if she had any idea how it would be used to mark such a momentous occasion) -- ready and waiting in the fridge for toasting!

:)
~Katrina

Almost there!

2010-04-11T10:31:00.002-04:00

Fingerprinting with the USCIS (US Citizenship and Immigration Services) is done! Dossier is passed in! Now we're awaiting three pieces of news: the approval from USCIS (2-3 weeks from last Friday), which we then forward to Wide Horizons 2) an "Everything looks great on your dossier!"-phone-call from Wide Horizons (which we will hopefully get this week) and 3) a call from Wide Horizons telling us we are finally on the official waiting list. (Could we be on by the end of April? We hope so!)

So life is looking up! We may be done with all the paperwork and running around for at least one year. (You have to update your homestudy and fingerprints/USCIS approval after one year.) We are amazed that we are at the cusp of the waiting stage (12-18 months).

We can now turn our attention back to our "normal lives" and play catch-up. To all the people who have had birthdays come and go this year without a card from us, please know we are getting our act together and are turning our newly gained adoption-paperwork-organization-skills back to our regular lives. We are also looking around the house and laughing because it is a disaster. It's been hard keeping up with the cleaning, yardwork, garden etc, when your future child/ren are depending on you to get forms A, B, and C ready, stamped, and passed in. The house is looking at us with a irritated expression, asking, "Remember me?" :)

As well, we've been taking a long hard look at our finances and cutting WAY back on things, selling stuff, etc. so that we are more in-the-groove for raising children, paying for possible daycare, etc. (Kelly -- you inspired us with your saving-money blog the other month! It's incredible what a few small changes will do for one's budget.) I've adjusted my work hours to avoid traffic so less time is spent commuting, thus giving our future children more parent time. (I now leave for work at 6 am and make it to work in just 1/2 an hour, and leave work at 3:20 and the commute is surprisingly also about 1/2 an hour. This is better than the one-hour-each-way commute I had before. An interesting side benefit is that all the people that drive during my new commute time are nice and very un-Boston-driver-y. Makes for a much calmer ride!) In a nutshell, it's nice to have our weekends (and weekdays) back. Oh -- and Ryan's just finishing up the taxes. Yay! Bless that man.

Hope everyone's enjoying the amazing/interesting weather!

~Katrina

Strange Days

2010-03-20T23:11:00.002-04:00

Okay, first off, spring is here! What a glorious day to start spring...Now let's backtrack over the last couple of weeks (wavy lines, wavy lines ...)

So our homestudy immigration papers, as I mentioned in the last post, went off and we were thrilled. One week later on Friday afternoon after driving home from work, I found a big package in our mailbox. It was from the USCIS! "It must be our paperwork to get our fingerprints done! Yay! We're almost done with all this stuff!" Nope. Agency sent our packet o' info to the wrong USCIS address and the USCIS returned the whole shebang to us. So I immediately hopped into the car and drove the packet to the agency to be resent (to the right address.)

So minor bump, but okay.

But three days before that, we got a call from our new contact at Wide Horizons. We chatted with her for a while, and I mentioned to her (as our social worker had suggested we do) that I had mucho experience with twins, and if a pair of twins became available, we'd love to be considered. She said that young twins didn't happen that often, but that we could end up with many possible combinations, such as a pair of four-year old twins or a three year old and a four year old.

Huh?

I pointed out that we'd talked with our social worker that we wanted two siblings, with one under 12 months. Ryan said that that was his understanding too. She said that their records said "two siblings up to 48 months" rather than "two siblings, one under 12 months, one up to 48 months." She said she'd check with other folks at the agency and get back to us. It was a rock-in-the-stomach couple of days until she called us back. When we talked next, she said that there was clearly a miscommunication and that they normally didn't grant the choice we'd asked for. But she said they'd be willing to give us "One child under 12 months, " or "two siblings, one under 12 months, one up to 48 months," whichever came first. Ry and I discussed it and said we could do that.

So now we could end up with one child or two. So we've been getting used to that idea.

Then last week happened.

The Ethiopian government decided that adoptive families would need to make two trips instead of one and all agencies in Ethiopia had to comply with the new regulations. This means after we get a referral, we wait for our court date, fly (at about one week's notice) to Ethiopia when the court date is decided, meet our children and attend the court proceedings, then fly home (without children), and then return to Ethiopia to pick up the children anywhere from 2 - 8 weeks after once all the paperwork is ready. Oy. From what folks have been able to understand, this is due to the fact that some families (in other programs) abandon the children they've adopted in Ethiopia. (I think this happens in some of the less reputable agencies that are not truthful about the child's health, history, etc.) The Ethiopian government, thus, needs to protect everyone involved so that the adoptive parents can attest in court that this child is indeed the one they are adopting so that cases of abandonment are less likely.

It's a bit of an adjustment to make. One of the main reasons we chose Ethiopia was that there was one visit; we'd both heard how heartbreaking it would be to meet your child and then leave him/her for an extended period of time. Additionally, last minute tickets to Ethiopia ain't cheap.

Despite this new twist, we're doing okay, and figure this is all part of the big plan that is leading us to our children. Tons of change in only a couple of weeks, but I'd say we're doing a good job gliding through it. I keep telling myself that it will all be worth it when we have our child/ren in our arms, but sometimes it just feels like we'll always be waiting. Even though you can intellectually know that you'll be parents in about two years, it's hard for one's heart to always believe it.

And so we wait.

As it helps not to watch the pot boil, we've both been keeping very busy. Ry's been doing great with his blossoming music career, and I've been busy with my art class and my newest interest, trapezing! To celebrate my 39th birthday, I went learned how to ride a trapeze over at Jordan's Furniture in Reading. IT. WAS. A. BLAST!! The first jump was terrifying. Actually, it was the getting-ready-to-jump that was terrifying. The jump itself was surprisingly gentle! I'm proud to say that I did the knee hang, the flip off the bar, and even a catch onto someone on another trapeze! And, yes, I'm going back. Too fun to pass up.

Today was a gorgeous first day of spring, and I got the garden ready with lovely composted cow poop. The garden, though bare, looks happy and ready to go. Will plant peas and spinach very soon....maybe tomorrow? We'll see...

Over and out.

xoxo
Trina

HOME STUDY DONE!!

2010-02-27T11:28:00.004-05:00

Can you believe it????

Just got the letter -- our homestudy is done and the I-600A application was submitted to US Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) on February 25, 2010. Wow. For anyone who's never adopted, this is a really big deal. :)

And to make things even more splendid, we're basically done with the dossier. Just waiting on a couple of forms and then we're taking all the dossier paperwork to Ryan's work to get notarized. Then we send everything to the agency, and wait for the call from USCIS to get fingerprinted. Once the dossier is deemed "cool" by the Ethiopian government, we're officially on the waitlist for two siblings. Wow wow wow.

What still blows me away about this whole process is that our older child may already be alive now. He or she may even be up to 2 or 3 years old at this point. That creates a confusing mix of being excited knowing they already exist and fear of what they might be going through right now, which would be our concern with any adoption, international or domestic. I wish there were some way I could protect him or her with a magic safety bubble of love.

On a lighter note, we went out to Addis Red Sea the day before my birthday last week. It's a fantastic Ethiopian restaurant in the South End of Boston. http://www.addisredsea.com/ The smell of the spices wafting throughout the restaurant was, for lack of a more original word, intoxicating. It was a marvelous aroma that I enjoyed for the whole two hours we were there. It wasn't a scent that you "got used to" and then didn't notice. It lingered in a wonderful way that made me breathe deeper just to absorb more of it. Which, of course, got me thinking more about Ethiopian cooking. I'll be trying my hand at a couple of recipes tomorrow night... Luckily, we already are well stocked with Indian spices and have all the spices we need. (Indian grocery stores, by the way, are THE place to get spices. VERY inexpensive and you get a big bag. If you don't want a lot, you can always share with others and everyone saves money.)

So that's the news from here. Our latest "Adoptive Families" magazine (thanks Caitlin!) just arrived this morning too, so I'm going to go enjoy that now...

Woo-hoo!
~Katrina

Homestudy Paperwork Done!!

2010-02-19T14:20:00.002-05:00

YEEESSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!! I dropped of the last of the homestudy paperwork today off at the Waltham office!! This is such a big hurdle we've crossed. There are more to come, of course, but a hurdle's a hurdle! Any excuse to break out the champagne!

Our 1-600 paperwork should be leaving Wide Horizons soon and then we wait (10 days? 3 months?) for the call from the government to get our fingerprints taken.

So now we're attacking the dossier. As I mentioned earlier, it's really not that bad. Having had to deal with over 400 Argentinian student visas per year during my study abroad days, I can say that this is really nothing. Those things were insane, written by someone who desperately hated people. This stuff is a piece of cake. We'll hopefully have all the paperwork collected by late next week.

It's been an odd process trying to get people to hustle for you. Some people melt when they find out we're adopting, and do everything they can to help. They are good. You can hear the goodwill and kindness in their voices. Then there are the people who look at you with a blank "so?" look on their face when you say that this thing you need help with is for the two children you will be adopting from Ethiopia. These people are bad. :) Well, there's good in there somewhere, but the challenge is coaxing it out. One kind facebooker suggested baking cookies for the meanies, which I may resort to. I don't know a soul who could resist Gramma's Cowboy Cookies. I think even Satan would melt. (Why does the name Satan always make me giggle?)

So that's where we are as of today. I think I may try my hand at an Ethiopian dish today...more soon!

~Katrina

February 10, 2010

2010-02-10T01:15:00.002-05:00

I'm hoping for a snow day tomorrow so I can catch up on some work around the house. Things are very busy - in both adoptionland and otherwise. We got together for dinner last weekend with a couple of friends who are adopting, we had an awesome dinner at a local Ethiopian restaurant. (Thanks to both of them for the recipes, which I can't wait to try.) I'm not sure I have the kitchen equipment to make the bread - I'll have to check the recipes . . .

Concerning adoption: it feels perhaps not like a sea of adoption papers, but perhaps a nice, healthy stream, that flows through our house and finds its way into little piles (or perhaps "pools" is more accurate since I'm going with the water analogy). I don't feel like I'm going to be at a loss for paperwork this month. I am eternally grateful to my workplace for the numerous notary publics who have offices throughout our campus. I probably owe them a lunch or two. Maybe a nice fruitbasket or jelly-of-the-month club, the latter of which is the gift that keeps on giving - the whole year. I'm also indebted to my workplace for after-hours use of its fax machine and scanner. Otherwise I'd rent out workspace at the local Kinkos, or I would be hiring a private Milton for the home, red stapler, flair and all.

I need me-birthday ideas!

2010-02-01T16:45:00.005-05:00

So this is the year of my 39th birthday. (I think...I always have to check with Ry, as he can remember my age better than I. I could never understand how my Dad could forget his age, and after I hit 30, I turned into him. Without the plaid shirts.)

I love getting together with folks, but I really want to do something different this year for my big day, but don't know what that is. 40 is approaching and peering around the corner, and my plan is to show it I'm boss. I'm wracking my brains for ideas on what to do. Any thoughts or suggestions? Ry said, "What would you like to do?" and I just sat there empty-headed and finally said, "I don't know. But it's gotta be something great!" Note that it will be on the last day of my school break, and I can't stay out late due to school the next day. Also, as most of you probably know, I'm not a huge drinker.

As Winnie the Pooh said once while deep in thought, "Think...think..think, think, think...."

Speaking of Winnie the Pooh, here's a great New Yorker cartoon...

Hey look everyone, Ryan posted!

2010-01-28T01:14:00.003-05:00

Greetings to all in Blogland! Sorry it's been a while since I've made a post - poor Ryan (now I'm talking about myself in the 3rd person - taking a cue from Muhammed Ali) had some login troubles but now I should be able to blog constantly.

Just a quick update - we're closing in on the end of our homestudy. Last weekend we went to the day-long adoption workshop that's required as part of our process. Lots of good information, but most importantly we met some really great people, some of whom we might become good friends with. There was a nice sense of empathy throughout the room, almost a sense of relief that there are other people out there doing the same things we're doing.

Trina has been an absolute godsend the past few weeks - I'm trying to hustle some more jazz guitar gigs and she's been essentially keeping our household running, gracefully putting up with late-night practice sessions and plenty of evenings playing "gig widow" while I'm out playing/schlepping P.A. gear. Her high school friend Matt came into town last weekend, and he's also a musician. The two of us barely knew each other but we stayed up jamming until about 2 a.m. Trina's work at her art classes are really starting to pay off too - she did a drawing of me and him playing and she totally nailed our poses. She's way overdue for a nice meal cooked by someone other than herself, and maybe a nice bath or two drawn to boot.

We'll be submitting our I-600 form soon. I got my passport photos and I'm bummed you can't smile in them anymore. The last time I got mine taken I was super-skinny and had on a turtleneck and suede jacket - throw some shades on me and I would've looked like an eastern European character from a James Bond movie. In the new pictures I just look bored.

Speaking of Europe, this blog entry is going to end like a stereotypical European movie, in which there's no arc or highpoint to the story followed by an earth-shattering conclusion. It just stops!

Long long long winding road

2010-01-13T21:36:00.002-05:00

This will probably be my shortest post ever. But two plus years feels like a really long time. dang. Feeling discouraged as we've already had two and a half years of wait and heartache. Most of the time I feel positive. But today's hard. I'm hearing announcement after announcement of new pregnancies and I'm feeling very sad. Wondering and sad.

Homestudy at Home

2009-12-31T14:41:00.002-05:00

Well today we had our last official homestudy meeting! Our social worker, Deb, came over around 10:30 a.m. and took a look at our place, making sure we had adequate space for kids, smoke alarms, and carbon monoxide detectors. (We did. Phew!) We sat at the kitchen table and began discussing the process from here on. She estimated that we could potentially go on the waiting list starting around March. :) Fingers crossed!

It was actually quite idyllic. It started to snow shortly after she got here, and we all sat at the kitchen table, drinking strong coffee and watching the antics of the birds outside at the feeders in the snowfall while we talked. (The starlings made a couple of Westside-Story-Jets-appearances that stopped all conversation momentarily. It was like a scene out of The Birds.) She's already begun some of the preliminary work on our homestudy report, and will continue with that now that our final in-person interview is finished. (We have a quick phone interview at the end of the month to make sure all our ducks are in a row.)

One of the more serious things she mentioned were that the children in Ethiopia are very malnourished and can be severely underweight when they are adopted. While we knew this, it was still sobering to hear, and made me a little sick to think of my future children possibly starving as we speak. We also learned that adopting 2 siblings, which we plan to do, means that the older one can be up to 4 years old (thus my comment about our oldest child being alive already), assuming that we don't get twins. She stressed that we should talk to other families that have adopted more than one child at a time and make sure this is the right decision for us, given the extra challenges. While we will definitely follow her advice, we know we want two and thus still feel good about our decision. We've already communicated a few other families who said adopting siblings was one of the best choices they made.

All in all, it went very well, and we felt great after she left, knowing that our two-year gestation period may begin relatively soon ... We now have four online courses to take, one day-long course on Jan 23, and our 1-600 form to send in, and then we'll have done everything for our homestudy and can start the dossier.

Onward and upward! Wishing you all a peaceful and fun-filled New Year!

Love,
Katrina

Last Homestudy Meeting and a New Year!

2009-12-30T10:39:00.002-05:00

Greetings! Tomorrow is a big day ~ our last homestudy meeting. This one, however, is not at the WHFC office in Waltham, but in our home. Today is a whirlwind of cleaning and making sure all our smoke alarms, carbon monoxide detectors are working. Our two designated kid rooms are presently 1) a guest room and 2) a storage room. So definitely not nursery stage yet, though that would be a silly thing to start now, as we have a long way to go until that point. That said, however, my mind is beginning to consider possibilities/colors/designs.

We just got back from our whirlwind tour of Virginia/Pennsylvania (okay, PA was only a few hours...sorry PA family--we'll stay longer next time--we had to get back in time to clean this year for our meeting...It stunk not having more time to visit you all and relax.) On our way back, we listened to a podcast about organizing and designing rooms based on zones; essentially, how to make your living space fit you and work in an organized way. I got quite inspired, and am thinking more about each space, particularly my office space, which I barely use now. I'd love to use it to get back into my art.

This past summer, with Ryan's persistent loving urging (and ultimately his signing me up behind my back) I took a wonderful watercolor course at the small art museum here in Framingham. Ryan rocks. I LOVED the course. It was 5 full days in a row, during one of the hottest weeks of the summer, and I happily painted for about 8 hours each day. Once the course was over, though, I stopped. I'm having trouble getting back into the zone, and I think if I get my office space more inviting, I'll feel that urge to return to that great place. I'm quite inspired to work on this. I abandoned my visual artist side almost as soon as I left high school, and painting and drawing again felt like reuniting with an old, dear friend. I'd love to make that a regular part of my life again.

Hope the New Year brings forth inspiration to each of you to enjoy what makes you most happy! We are incredibly lucky to have such a supportive and delightfully wacky (in the best sense) constellation of friends and family cheering us on. We look forward to the day that we introduce you to our children!

Lots of love,
Katrina

Confession about Antlers

2009-12-13T14:23:00.002-05:00

So....I did something this past week that surprised me. I bought Christmas items with our two future children in mind. It was a small but huge move, as I'm admittedly nervous that I'll jinx things with too much optimism. But I simply couldn't help myself.

At Russells Garden Center, I was hunting for some stockings for Ry and I, as suddenly realized we had no stockings. (It's our first Christmas we're spending at home and not traveling, so it was an easy oversight in past years.) I was perusing the fun little gizmos they had there, when I saw something so silly and precious, my heart skipped a beat: two pairs of headband antlers with little bells on them. (the last two on the shelves, by chance!) I immediately pictured our two kids (who are they??) wearing them and skipping about the tree in night-before-Christmas-hyper-activity. And I knew that these antlers must be ours. They now sit by our Seuss-like tree, hinting at the future. We wear them, of course, (hello! How can you not put on a pair of jingly antlers? impossible!) but it feels more like we're borrowing them and breaking them in for the two little heads that are somewhere in some way on their way to us.

jingle jingle ...

Long time, no write

2009-12-06T15:20:00.002-05:00

Long absence from the Flemin's! Sorry for the silence! We've been in the midst of our homestudy, painting our front room a VERY cool tomato red that we love, student-parent conferences at school, tutoring, Christmas revelry, blah-blah, you name it. Oh--and working. People still expect us to go to work, if you can believe it. It's been a very busy last month.

Homestudy is going very well...We did our initial homestudy meeting with our social worker together last month in Waltham. Then each of us met with her separately early in both late Nov/early Dec. The hardest part of those meetings was helping somebody to understand our very complex family trees. (Ryan's took a little longer...who'd a thought I'd find someone with an equally interesting and beautifully misshapen tree?) We have our next meeting on Dec 31 in the afternoon.

We also are beginning our "schoolwork" for our homestudy. We're signed up for a class at Wide Horizons for next month, and we have to take a bunch of online courses on both adoptive parenting and international adoption.

Our paperwork is coming nicely. We're getting some papers notarized tomorrow afternoon. Once all our paperwork is in, the social worker can begin constructing a report. Should be a very bizarre read! (How many times in one's life does somebody write your biography for you?)

We've decided to ask for twins/two siblings (we'll see which set fate passes our way)! Very exciting times!

Sorry this blog is a bit dull, but my mind is multitasking to its limit and all creativity seems to have fallen by the wayside! :)

Happy December!

~Katrina

Obama declares November National Adoption Month

2009-11-10T13:58:00.003-05:00

Yes folks, it's official. I assume there's an official month for just about everything, and now adoption joins the ranks! It occurred to me that I've got a few other ideas for national months. Check out these chestnuts:

- National Funk Month. Celebrating all things James Brown, Parliament, Earth Wind & Fire, The Meters, Isley Brothers, Rick James, Sly Stone and ____________( fill in the blank). Featuring free concerts all over the country.
- National Fried Food Month. Everything tastes better fried, right? Either that or maybe just National Fried Pork Rinds Month.
- National Cool Car Month. Show off your ride. Free pine-scented air fresheners for all motorists driving cool cars.
- National Shag Carpeting Month. It would be great if this month could come with some deep discounts, because otherwise I don't know when we'll be able to afford to do our entire home in wall-to-wall, deep-pile glory.
- National Pet Humiliation Awareness Month. We've all known a pet - either ours or someone else's - who's been dressed in stupid outfits, made to pose against their will for holiday cards, or been falsely blamed for a bad deed. This month is for them.
- National Wedding Musicians' Month. Who else can churn out hits of the 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s and 2000s?
- National Stick Figures' Month. Because that's all I can draw!

Incredible Luck

2009-11-04T20:46:00.003-05:00

The last week has been quite a whirlwind! Last Thursday, the day after getting our package of Wide Horizons stack-o-papers, Ryan, traveling north on 495 at 60 mph was hit by a hit-and-runner. He's okay, amazingly enough...nothing our talented chiropractor can't massage away. But the ninny who hit him from behind and set the car spinning twice and into the guardrail took off. Ry somehow got the car under control and pulled to the side of the highway, whilst the idiot driver (I have more choice words) left him there. That just blows my mind.

Aside from both being very very thankful that Ryan was alive and unbroken, we were both super bummed that our beloved 95 Corolla was in such sad shape. As it was an older car and technically not worth a lot to anyone but us, we didn't bother with collision insurance. Thus we've been holding our breath to see what the verdict was on possibly fixing it.

My Dad recommended that we have his local mechanic look at it, so we had it towed down there to Marshfield. Later that day, the mechanic said he hadn't had a chance to really get a good look, but described it as "a train wreck." Not promising. Aside from the money issue, I/we LOVE that car. It's been so dependable and we'd fully counted on its continued service for another ten years at least. Plus, like my Gramma, I get very attached to cars and even named this one "Cori," as she had named her earlier Corolla. :)

But GOOD NEWS!!! Our mechanic, Dave, said this evening that he can make it safely drivable for $300!!! He said "It won't be pretty...You won't want to take it to prom, but it will be safe. You were just lucky." But all that matters is our Cori is safe and usable. We welcome you back with open arms, Old Girl! Nothing can get you down!! Your battle scars make you even more cherished.

On the paperwork front, we are actually making great progress! I've been really touched at how people will go out of their way to get things moving quicker. My doctor's office, when they heard I'd need to get a medical report for an adoption, pulled some strings so I could get in this Monday! (Usually, I have to wait months.) In fact, we've got our first meeting with our social worker in one week. This first small step in the process is taking much less time than I'd anticipated.

Could it be our luck is changing?? Ryan's okay! Cori's okay! Paperwork is magically getting done! Cross your fingers for us...

Paper!

2009-10-31T20:17:00.000-04:00

Phase Two of paperwork begins! We got our packet in the mail and should be hearing from our social worker any day now. Letters of recommendation need to be written stating we aren't ding-dongs. Lots of birth and marriage certificates to be ordered. Doctors appointments to be made. Criminal background checks. Then we have to file an I-600 report which looks time-consuming but fairly straightforward. Holy cow! This is starting to feel real! We're told that this paperwork is nothing compared to the dossier that awaits us, but it's good practice and keeps us busy.

Tonight is a very blustery and delightfully warm Halloween night, and we had many cutie-pies come to our door. I'm a big believer in saying "Trick or Treat!" to get the candy, so when I asked one little girl who was eying the candy bowl, "What do you say on Halloween night?" she looked up quizzically and said, "Please?" Too cute.

Ryan and I both wondered aloud in what Halloween year we'll be taking our own kids... 2011? 2012? As exciting as this all is, it seems so astoundingly far away sometimes. But, on the other hand, it will be a good incentive to finally paint the rooms inside the house. We've been lagging a bit on that front and concentrating more on the yard since moving in last year. It's time to get these tan walls spiced up.

Ethiopian cuisine (semi-prequel)

2009-10-28T23:36:00.000-04:00

Should've posted this a couple months ago, but there will be many periods of just sitting and waiting for the next couple years during which coming up with a topic to make for a truly compelling blog entry will be difficult. These periods of relative boredom will sometimes be interrupted by moderately long-term flurries of paperwork. The amount of this stuff is supposed to be truly staggering. I predict that once we're in the thick of it, in comparison we'll liken our mortgage process to feel like one of those 4-page 6th-grade typed essays I used to do in 14-pt. double-space font. Narrow margins. Boy, let me just add - where would I be today without Cliffnotes as part of my educational history? Without that and my staggering yet fluffy vocabulary, filling up those lonely 4 pages would've been a task.

Anyhow, I'm going to try to check out some Ethiopian cooking over the next couple months, which in addition to helping me get to know their cuisine, will also hopefully get me out of a little cooking rut in which I've been lately. It will also help me eat more, which is something I don't do enough of. Anyhow a few month ago, Trina and I went to a pretty good Ethiopian restaurant in Central Square called Asmara (http://www.asmararestaurantboston.com). Trina wasn't crazy about the honey wine, but I happily finished her glass. (I know I'm setting myself up here, but I'm always interested in becoming a better booze connoseur. But in a more refined and inquisitive way, perhaps, than when I was in college.) I think the most popular Ethiopian restaurant in Boston is Addis Red Sea in the South End (http://www.addisredsea.com). If anyone has any restaurant recommendations or recipes they want to toss my way, the door's open!

Application? Check!

2009-10-24T17:00:00.000-04:00

We did it! Today we completed Step 2 of our adoption process and our application has been sent off!

Right now, the whole thing still feels a bit surreal. I'm trying to think of momentous words to use to mark the occasion and am falling way short. Perhaps it's because it doesn't feel real yet. I sense it won't really feel real until we have a child safely in our arms.

When I hiked my way up out the Grand Canyon a few years back, I recall looking up and thinking, "Damn, that's a long way up." I measured the day by turns in the path, one foot plodding in front of the other, pushing the panicked "Will I get up there in time?" thoughts to the side, as I shoved way too many Power Bars into my mouth. (I was on the Green Tortoise bus headed east and it was leaving that night, thus the panic.) Much later that day, a couple of hours from the top, I was so wiped, that making it to the top in time seemed less and less likely. Luckily, a fellow from India who'd only hiked a couple of hours from the top and was on his way back up stopped and asked if I needed help. "Oh, no, I'm fine," I valiantly lied. (Why do we say such things??) He looked at me with an amused smile in his eyes and said, "No, actually, you're not fine. Give me your pack." I made some lame arguments and he kindly but firmly insisted that he help me. He took over my pack (how amazing it felt to have that weight off!) and told me stories of his childhood in India as we scaled the last two or so hours of the trail together. At the top, I looked at him with embarrassed gratitude. He handed me my pack and kindly winked and said, "Have a great life!" Then he turned away, and walked off in a very Highway to Heaven mysterious way.

The point to this rambling story was that my faith in humanity was permanently altered that day. Just when I thought I couldn't make it, someone literally helped carry a great weight. (I know...this metaphor is really working, isn't it??) We've had so many people there for us already in some pretty dark times, and I know that we won't be on this new trail alone, so thanks joining us on our blog!

Okay, metaphor over. Metaphors are cool, but they can sometimes get syrupy and annoying, and I think I've hit the cusp.

Update

2009-10-12T09:48:00.000-04:00

Hi everyone! The last few months have had a few stops and starts, but we're sending in our official application to WHFC this week. We're both really excited along with our families. A few fans at my gigs (here's my latest project - www.thetwotimers.com - shameless plug) ask me regularly about how our adoption is going, which is really cool.

I can't wait to get our application in - I think it'll give us a lot of momentum. Very excited!

The First Step

2009-08-06T21:38:00.000-04:00

Well, we've begun the process of adopting a child from Ethiopia! The registration has been sent and the application is just about ready to go. We've started this blog so that you can all experience the ride with us and, ultimately, celebrate with us as we go to meet our future children!

After sending in our application, we first need to do our homestudy, which will probably take several months. Then we collect the rather substantial paperwork for the dossier, which is then sent to the Ethiopian government. After our paperwork is approved, we begin the wait, which we're told will be anywhere from 12 to 24 months. (Judging by what we've seen and heard, it will probably lean closer to 24 months.)

Once we get our referral (a match to a child) we will then be waiting about 3-5 more months for the paperwork to go through the Ethiopian courts. Then off we scamper on a plane for Ethiopia to get our baby or babies, should we be lucky enough to get twins!

We're quite excited about our agency, Wide Horizons for Children, based in Waltham, Massachusetts! The information session we went to in late spring was excellent and they have a very good reputation. Check them out at http://www.whfc.org/

Glad to have you all experience the journey with us!

Love,
Trina and Ryan