Katrina's Last Post

I haven't written since last summer, and it's now the end of May. It's been quite an interesting block of time for us!

In short, the adoption process for Ethiopia changed so rapidly from the program we had signed up for, that it no longer made sense for us and we decided to withdraw our names from the adoption list this week, and go forward without children. It's a decision we're comfortable with, but it was not easy. Luckily, we're big old communicators, so we were always well-informed on the other's thoughts, and luckily, they always meshed. (Not always the case in situations like these.)

First off, the changes in our adoption process had little to do with our agency, which has been very transparent and ethical. These qualities are what attracted us to their program in the first place. Rather, it was the result of the sudden spike in interest in Ethiopian adoption. With the increased number of adoptions, an ethical problem occurred which is not singular to Ethiopia. From what we were able to gather, there were a couple (of the many) agencies who were engaging in unethical behavior; specifically, as I understood it, child trafficking. (There was a lot of reading between the lines on this, so know that I have no proof.) The Ethiopian government, understandably, was taking measures to prevent this from happening. In quick summary, they increased the in-country from one to two; we'd have to redo all of our dossier paperwork (expensive and significant); fees went up; and, finally, the wait times were significantly increased so that applications could be more carefully scrutinized. It's not the agency's fault or the country of Ethiopia's fault, but rather the fault of the small minority of people you'll find in every country, who exploit children for financial gain.

When we began our quest to have children and I got pregnant right away at 36, we knew we were older, but it was what it was. Having just hit the 40 mark, I realized that with even longer wait times for the adoption, I might potentially be raising children well into my 60s, which made me blanch. Additionally, the desire to have children and raise them was starting to dissipate. I can't explain it really. Maybe it was the mind's way of protecting itself after so much pain and waiting? If so, it's a relief not to hurt anymore and I welcome it.

Along the road, we got some criticism for not handling things better. I still say I disagree. I think, handed what we got handed, we did mighty well and came out of it whole and happy. I think the best thing that came out of all this was realizing that someone's actions may not make sense to you if you've never gone through what they have and to keep your heart open to them.

Anyhow, as much as we still love children, we're pretty psyched about the possibilities before us. Ryan, my rock-star husband, has an amazing band called Field Trip, and they're going to Sweden in October to play at some clubs and lead some workshops for university students. (Did I get that all right, Ry?) I'm exploring my artwork again and am beginning to volunteer my time and talents to a local animal sanctuary that rescues abused/slaughter-bound animals. (It's an extraordinary place!) Also, related to the last sentence, I've moved to a plant-based diet and have never felt better! We're starting to explore places we could go to on vacation in the next year. So things are good and we're excited! There are still small moments when I remember what we lost and how over-the-moon we were to be expecting a child, both biologically and adoptively. But I think that will always be there, tucked away in my heart.

I wish all you adoptive and preadoptive parents out there great happiness ... And thanks to everyone for reading this blog and for supporting us.

Take care,
Katrina